Satori: The Kick In The Eye

There comes a point when the fear gets so intense that, if you are lucky, you can enter the eye of the hurricane - so to speak. I was at a friend's house last week and he was going on about the prospective millitary campaign against Iran. We are both Father's and he posed this question AT me: "If the US bomb Iran, it is gonna be nukes, dude. What kind of future is that gonna present for us, for our kids? What do you think?

Suddenly the fear was on me. I had smoked a couple of puffs on a doob which made it a lot worse (I am Englishman and do not have the Canadian constitution for weed.) My heart was pounding: I got a vision of a world spinning off kilter towards a huge chain of mushroom clouds. I thought about my two boys. Radiation. Sickness. Violence. Darkness. Chaos. Then, in the core of my being, a very soft voice said: Breathe. Make yourself the beacon of love you want to see in the world. Right now. This second. There is no future. None to speak of. Just love, now. Yes, you are afraid right now. Love yourself enough to not want to feel this afraid. Give yourself a break. Love your friend enough to want to put your hand on his shoulder. Look into his eyes. Smile.

I gave a truthful answer to his question. I said, quietly: "Probably for the first time in my life, I really do not know what to think. I just have to feel love. I don't know what is going to happen with the world. We may all die horribly. I really, really hope not. Still, the thought of that scenario is too burdensome for me right now." Suddenly, I was in a place of perfect peace, where nothing bad could reach me. A buffer zone wrapped itself around me against ideologies, ideologues and other universal forms.

My guess it is what enlightenment is like. Actually, I know that is exactly what it is like. It is satori - the "kick in the eye" that the Zen masters speak of.

Incidentally, the feeling lasted most of the day. It outlasted the THC. Nevertheless, slowly, the old egoic voices returned. As I write, the fear is right here on my shoulder. Back on its perch. And with it comes the doubt. All the bad stuff. But take heart, all is not lost: I now have an inner conviction that I want to do something about my egoic and pain-body negativity. To keep working on it. To strive for that "buffer zone" of prescence.

Right now.